One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? It was a grave mistake.

Why did the boy throw the butter out the window? To see a butterfly.

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.

I don't date older women because it takes too long to listen to their life story.

My grandad has a chair in his shower which makes him feel old, so in order to feel young he sits on it backwards like a cool teacher giving an assembly about drugs.

My friend stopped by to tell me he had just been diagnosed as Dyslexic. Said he was going home to write it in his dairy.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue - completely pale, no arms.

Social life? You mean my phone?

Tell me again how I unloaded the dishwasher too loudly when you were watching golf. Detectives will want to know exactly how this went down.

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More One-Liners:


Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy? It was Valenswine's Day.


Hate to break it to you, Facebook, but the entire Internet is already a Dislike button.


Why do birds fly south in the Fall? Because it's too far to walk.


A couple years ago my therapist told me I had problems letting go of the past.


Cinderella's fairy godmother turned her rags into a gown, mice into horses, and a pumpkin into endless lattes for her and her BFFs to enjoy.


There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it over.


For those who never forget a face, you are an exception.


42 percent of statistics are made up!


Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?


The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. Resturant In Peace.