One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

Nowadays, most of the children dream about an IPhone, when I was a child - I wanted a dog.

A beautiful girl looks good in the background of her smart friend.

'I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said, "Those are pickled onions".'

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

I would give my dad what he really wants on Father's Day, but I can't afford to move out yet.

Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.

(NAME) is a terrific athlete. He recently ran the London Marathon - he was aiming for 3 hours but just missed it! he made it in 3 hrs 150 minutes

How about I slip down your chimney, at half past midnight?

Shut up, will you?" "Oh, I'm sorry, Your Highness, should I go get you your coffee and tea now?

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More One-Liners:


IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.


People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made.


You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.


What do you say we make this a Not-so-Silent Night?


How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."


If I promise to miss you, will you go away?


What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F.


If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong ...


My pencil is gone. It's pointless though.


What is a skeleton? Skeleton is a person who starts dieting but forgot to stop it...



One-Liner Top 5:

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.