One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.

I would make jokes about the sea, but they are too deep.

Don't go through that door that mysteriously opened all by itself in that 300 year old hotel with a tragic past.

If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?

That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

When I was growing up, my mother's best dish was store-bought Entenmann's chocolate chip cookies.

How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

My calling in life went straight to voicemail.

Imagine being 5 minutes from the end of the longest movie ever & it starts over because it forgot something. That's my kid telling a story.

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More One-Liners:


Don't tell me I don't know the difference between right & wrong. Wrong is the fun one.


My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.


Men are fun to argue with, because even IF they win... they lose.


Hey baby, I'm a power source, and you're the kind of resistor i'd like to deliver my load to.


3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!


There is 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you I LOVE YOU.


"Tired" isn't even a temporary state for me anymore it's more like a part of my personality at this point.


I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.


Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, the chicken was somewhere between 8' to 11' tall.


Some people have skeletons in their closet. I have a whole graveyard!