One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

I really lack the words to compliment myself today.

Stupidity comes in all shapes and sizes. Some of them even look like people.

"Raccoons"? Oh, you mean garbage pandas?

Why don't the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?

Let's both be naughty this year and save Santa the trip.

What do electric trains and women's breasts have in common? They were originally intended for children but it's the men who play with them the most.

Any room is a panic room if you've lost your phone in it.

Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

If you weigh 99 pounds and eat 1 pound of nachos you will be 1% nachos!

To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.

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More One-Liners:


What's the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers? One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.


I'm at my most amazing when no one is paying attention.


The Thanksgiving holiday brings Americans of all races and religions together to fight over discounted electronics.


Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.


The hardest part of getting a girls phone number is working up the courage to go through her trash and get it.


I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.


Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.


I'm a people person, but from a distance.


Vegetarian: Native American definition for "lousy hunter".


My ex-girlfriend would always ask me to text her when I got in. That's how small my penis is.