One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

There were plenty of lookers-on but no witnesses.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. ...

Why is there so much pressure to spend Independence Day with other people?

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

What do computers eat for a snack? Microchips!

Booze booze the magical drink the more you drink the less you feel the less you feel the better the deal so drink booze for every meal.

What are they planting to grow the seedless watermelon?

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

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More One-Liners:


I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.


If pink and glitter were vitamins blondes would be the healthiest people alive.


On St. Patrick's Day I like to make believe I'm Irish. Just like at Christmas when I make believe I'm good.


What's the most common sleeping position of a man? Around.


Here's some advice: At a job interview, tell them you're willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.


If you have worked and didn't get anything, it means someone else got it.


What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest? Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12.


I'm starting a new chapter of AA "Almost Alcoholics", their motto is, "Lets get sober, next week".


What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine's Day? Let me call you Tweet heart!


What has four legs but can't walk? A chair.