One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?

When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.

Always identify who to blame in an emergency.

This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from local zoo.

What do you call one black on the moon? Problem. What do you call ten blacks on the moon? Problems. What do you call the entire black population on the moon? Problem solved.

If I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

"You can't sleep either?" Says a voice from under your bed.

Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap.

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More One-Liners:


Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation? Because she threw out all the bent ones.


How to lose an argument with a woman: 1) Argue.


Women with pasts interest men... they hope history will repeat itself.


You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.


Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.


Whenever you get mad, just think of a t-rex trying to masturbate.


The other day I stopped to pick buttercups, what buttocks were doing on the floor I don't know.


You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.


Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.


I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.