One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

What is better than a cold Bud? A warm bush.

What do you call 100 niggers on the bottom of the sea? A good start.

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.

How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the bathtub.

There is no point of running away form a sniper. You will die from exhaustion.

People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to be a comedian", well nobody's laughing now.

I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust.

You know youre fifty when your chiropractor sends you birthday cards.

There are smart men, handsome men, rich men, sexy men and sweet men and then there is the combination of all. We call that one a "unicorn"

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More One-Liners:


I love waking up to the sound of birds arguing with their spouses.


If by free spirits you mean an open bar, then yes I love free spirits.


Does your head only have Udon noodles instead of a brain?


Do you wanna play lion tamer? she asks: "What is that?" you say: It's when you get on all fours and I put my head in your mouth.


Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?


I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?


I'm here for whatever you need me to do from the couch.


It's a sin to love another's wife and a punishment to love yours.


Congratulations, If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode - really...


Where do cows go on their summer vacation? Moo York.



One-Liner Top 5:

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.