One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

How did two oceans or seas become friends? Because they kept waving at each other.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.

What do you call an academically successful slice of bread? An honor roll.

Why is Valentine's Day the best day for a celebration? Because you can really party hearty!

Life's like a bird, it's pretty cute until it shits on your head.

What do men and women have in common? They both distrust men.

My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

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More One-Liners:


Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute? The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack.


Two cows in a field. Which one is on holiday? The one with the week cave.


Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy!


A woman says to the dentist "I don't know which is worse having a tooth pulled or having a Baby." The dentist says "Well make up your mind I gotta adjust the chair!"


Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes.


Just realized a pregnant dog is a dog full of puppies. That's the best.


I wear two pairs of pants when I go golfing. People always ask me why I do. I say, "I wear two pants when's I golf just in case I get a hole-in-one.


If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.


Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas.


I love the way you move...like butter on a bald monkey.



One-Liner Top 5:

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.