One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

I get queasy at the sight of my own blood, but I could paint a barn with yours.

Why is 68 the maximum speed for blondes? Because at 69 they blow a rod.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words.

Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

I wanted to tell you that wherever I am, whatever happens, I'll always think of you, and the time we spent together, as my happiest time. I'd do it all over again, if I had the choice. No regrets.

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.

Life is an internet. 30 days after you met she wants you to register and begins taking taxes every month.

Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.

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More One-Liners:


Trying is the first step towards failure.


"Doctor, I'm addicted to 'The Family Feud' game show. What's wrong with me? Doctor: "Well, the survey says..."


Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.


Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? It was a grave mistake.


I lost my paper towels, I think I need a bounty hunter.


I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.


I used to drink all brands of beer. Now, I am older Budweiser!


If anything is possible, is it possible for something to be impossible?


You're sweeter than 3.14


I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.



One-Liner Top 5:

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

The value of money in a relationship: the 10 bucks that the wife and the tax inspection don't know about are worth more than the 100 that both know about.