One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

I'm good at multitasking and procrastinating, which means right now there are at least 28 things that I'm putting off until later.

What cheese would you use to entice a bear out of the woods? Camembert. What cheese is made backwards? Edam. Best cheese to use to disguise a horse? Marscaponie.

I'll show you where easter eggs come from -- you may be surprised!

Dream carefully, because dreams come true.

Chem students do it on the table periodically.

What did the banana say to the vibrator? What are you shaking for? She's going to eat me!

When you go to the drugstore, why are the condoms not in with the other party supplies?

Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because their plugged into a genius!

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

However lonely you feel, you're never alone. There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house. Goodnight.

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More One-Liners:


Why did God give Black guy's big dicks? He felt sorry for putting pubes on their heads.


A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.


Only in America ... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.


The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.


You've got two brain cells: one is in a wheelchair and the other one is pushing.


The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.


I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.


"We're eating dinner soon. Don't fill up on homework." —Dog mom


There's good climate in heaven, but a better company in hell.


My wife made me a green hamburger today to celebrate St Patricks Day. I asked her how she colored it and she said she didn't know what I was talking about.



One-Liner Top 5:

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.