One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

The advantage of using a nailcutter is, you won't get scratchmark on your forehead skin and the disadvantage is, you can't peel off garlic skin.

A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."

With my luck I'll probably be reincarnated as me.

I know its not Christmas, but Santa's lap is always ready.

Love helps to kill time. And time helps to kill love.

We use a really strong sunblock when we go to the beach with the kids. It's SPF 80: You squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out.

My wife told me: 'Sex is better on holiday.' That wasn't a very nice postcard to receive.

Some people are so poor, all they have is money.

Credit cards are VERY dangerous. Every time I try to use one somebody starts chasing me with scissors.

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

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More One-Liners:


Here's to alcohol, the cause of - and solution to - all life's problems.


Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.


Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.


What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.


Intelligence is like an underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.


Don't go through that door that mysteriously opened all by itself in that 300 year old hotel with a tragic past.


Dear men, "I don't want anything for Valentine's Day" is the same as "I'm fine." You're welcome.


I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.


If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?


Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.



One-Liner Top 5:

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.