One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

Men live better than women. First of all, they get married later and secondly, they die earlier.

What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle.

I would hug you, but I would rather wait until I'm covered in syrup. And until you have nicer clothes on. -Toddlers

You are one well-defined function!

What travels around the world but stays in one corner? A stamp.

What is a video game characters favorite method of brawling? Hitboxing!

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I park in the farthest spot possible at the gym for the added benefit of eating my croissan'wich without being judged by people walking by.

Friend: "I think my mom hit her period last night" Me: "Oh that's my bad I fucked your mom a little too hard."

I was having dinner with Garry Kasparov and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

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More One-Liners:


I used to date a girl that reported the weather. We had a very stormy relationship.


Yo Mamma's so fat... that other people have to pay for the health consequences of this via general taxation, even though it's her responsibility.


Everything you do you're gonna regret. But if you do nothing - you will not only regret but will also suffer.


True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable.


My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.


What do bees do with their honey? They cell it.


How does a farmer count cows? with a cow-calculator.


Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.


Your cock is so small you could use it to floss teeth.


Everything is edible, some things are only edible once.