Animal Jokes
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Animal Jokes

This page contains 10 Animal Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Animal Jokes first.

Two bats are going for their midnight feed.
After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood.
The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth.
The first bat says enviously, 'Where did you get all that blood from?'
The second bat replies, 'Follow me.
I`ll show you.'
After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave.
He says, 'You see that wall over there?'
The hungry bat excitedly says, 'Yes!'
Other bat says, 'I didn't.'

What do you do to an elephant with three balls?
Walk him and pitch to the rhinoceros!

A small frog goes to a fortune teller and asks if he is gonna meet a young girl.
The teller tells him, 'Yes, you are.'
The frog replies, 'Where?
In a bar or at a party?'
The teller says, 'In biology class!'

What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
A. Dam!

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed when the chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke.
The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, 'I guess we answered that question!'

There was a terrible bus accident.
Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses.
The police try to investigate further but they get no results.
At last, they try to interrogate the monkey.
The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures.
Seeing that, they start asking the questions.
The police chief asks, 'What were the people doing on the bus?'
The monkey shakes his head in a condemning manner and starts dancing around;
meaning the people were dancing and having fun.
The chief asks, 'Yeah, but what else were they doing?'
The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle.
The chief says, 'Oh!
They were drinking, huh?!'
The chief continues, 'Okay, were they doing anything else?'
The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, meaning they were talking.
The chief loses his patience, 'If they were having such a great time, who was driving the stupid bus then?'
The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a wheel...

A young polar bear came into his den and asked his mother, 'Mom am I a real polar bear?'
'Of course you are.'
His mother replied.
The young polar bear asked his father.
'Dad, am I a real polar bear?'
'Yes, you are a real polar bear.'
A week passed and the young polar bear asked his parents, 'Are grandma and grandpa real polar bears?'
said his parents.
Another week passed and the young polar bear asked his parents, 'Are all my relatives real polar bears?'
'Yes, they are all real polar bears.'
Said his parents.
'Why do you ask?'
replied his mother.
said the young polar bear,'I'm freezing!

There was a papa mole, a mama mole, and a baby mole.
They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse.
Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, 'Mmmm, I smell sausage!'
Mama mole poked her head outside the hole and said, 'Mmmm, I smell pancakes!'
Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles.
Baby mole said, 'The only thing I smell is molasses!'

Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest.
The first one spied a nut and cried out, 'Oh, look!
A nut!'
The second squirrel jumped on it and said, 'It's my nut!'
The first squirrel said, 'That's not fair!
I saw it first!'
'Well, you may have seen it, but I have it,'
argued the second.
At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, 'You shouldn't quarrel.
Let me resolve this dispute.'
The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, 'Now, give me the nut.'
He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, 'See, it was foolish of you to fight.
Now the dispute is resolved.'
Then he reached over and said, 'And for my fee, I'll take the meat.'

Q:What did the elephant say when it saw a dead ant?
DEAD ANT, DEAD ANT, DEAD ANT....... What did the elephant say when it saw a live ant?
It stepped on the ant and then said DEAD ANT, DEAD ANT....

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