There was a tribe of Indians and a kid went to the chief and they were talking about stuff.
Then the kid asked the chief, 'Where do our names came from?'
The chief said, 'The woman that gave birth to you names you'
'What she sees when she has you'
'Why do you ask? TWO DOGS FUCKING'
What did the mother-fucker, say to the other mother-fucker?
A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84 year-old father.
While there he notices the nurse is giving his father hot chocolate and Viagra.
The man asks, 'Why are you doing that?
I mean, at his age what will it do for him?'
The nurse explains, 'The hot chocolate will help him sleep.'
The man says, 'And the Viagra?'
'Keeps him from falling out of bed.'
I went to the store the other day.
I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.
So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a stupid idiot.
He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!
Then I really got angry at him.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
I didn't care.
My car was parked around the corner!
What is the difference between a woman a pool table?
On the pool table, you put the balls in the hole and the stick stays out.
Show me a piano falling down a shaft and I will show you A-flat Minor
Some good pick-up lines:
1. I bet you $200 you won't sleep with me tonight.
2. You know there is a fairy the makes you pretty by tapping you with her wand, so she must have beat the shit out of you.
3. Are you an angel, because I have an erection.
There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines.
After many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, 'This is the most important part, and it has only one line.
You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose.
You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line: Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'
The actor is thrilled.
All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again.
Finally, the time came.
The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line, 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'
The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!
'You bloody fool!'
he cried, 'You have ruined me!'
The actor was bewildered, 'What happened, did I forget my line?'
screamed the director.
'You forgot the rose!'
Three guys are arguing at a party about who has the best memory.
The first guy says, 'I can remember my mother putting on my diaper.'
The second guy says, 'That's nothing.
I can remember being born.'
The third guy says, 'That's nothing.
I can remember going to a party with my father and coming home with my mother.'
A minister told his congregation, 'Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying.
To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.'
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands.
He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17.
Every hand went up.
The minister smiled and said, 'Mark has only sixteen chapters.
I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.'