My sister: 'You look like an elf...'
Me: 'What kind?'
My sister: 'The kind that works with Santa...'
My sister: '... there magicaly delious...'
Me: '... thats a leperchuan'
Christmas morning a boy rides down the road on his brand new bike when a cop on a horse rides up beside him and says, 'Did Santa bring you that bike?'
the boy replies.
'Well maybe next year you can ask Santa to give you a helmet for that bike?'
and proceeds to write that boy up a 20 dollar ticket.
As the boy rides away on his bike he turns around and says to the police man, 'Did Santa bring you that horse?'
Humoring the boy he says, 'Sure!'
'Well maybe next year you can ask Santa to put the dick on the bottom of the horse a instead of on top!'
The Joy of Christmas Cards
A woman walks into the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
'What denomination?' asks the clerk.
'Oh, good heavens!
Have we come to this?' said the woman.
'Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic and one Methodist.'
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, 'And what would you like for Christmas?'
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped, 'Didn't you get my E-mail?'
What does a poor boy get for Christmas?
Jacko Christmas What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Santa?
Nothing, they both leave children's bedrooms with empty sacks!
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this Holy season,'
Saint Peter said, 'you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on.
'It represents a candle,' he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates,' Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, 'they're bells.
Saint Peter said, 'You may pass through the pearly gates.'
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The man replied, 'These are Carols.'
What do Christmas trees and priests have in common?
Both of their balls are just for decoration!
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, 'Please send me a sister.'
Santa Clause wrote him back, 'Ok, send me your mother.'
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.