Corny Jokes
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Corny Jokes

This page contains 10 Corny Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Corny Jokes first.

Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting.
They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks.
The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up.
They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk.
But the pilot objected and he said, 'The plane can only take four of your elk;
you will have to leave two behind.'
They argued with him;
the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard.
The plane was the same model and capacity.
Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard.
But when the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness.
Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, 'Do you know where we are?'
'I think so,'
replied the other hunter.
I think this is about the same place where we landed last year!'

There are three men in the bathroom, two Englishmen and an Australian.
All are at the urinals.
The first Englishman zips up and walks over to the sink and uses a lot of soap and water and before he leaves.
He says to the others, 'In Yorkshire, I learned to be clean and neat.'
The second Englishman zips up, walks over to the sink and uses much less soap and water but is still very clean.
He says, 'At Bredford Academy, I learned to be clean and neat but still be environmentally aware.'
The third man zips up and heads straight to the door.
The Aussie says over his shoulder, 'In Australia, we learn not to piss on our hands.'

The best pick up line... Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.
'Have you any last requests?' asked the chaplain.
replied the murderer, 'will you hold my hand?'

A cop was riding a bicycle looking for a crook.
He saw the crook and started chasing him, but the crook went into the bush and the policeman had to leave the bike and chase him on foot.
The cop caught the crook and told him he must not move while he gets his bike.
As soon as the cop left for the bike, the crook disappeared.
The following day the policeman saw the same guy and ran after him, leaving his bike behind.
He caught the guy and told him that since he had run away the previous day, the crook had to go and get the bike while the cop waited for him.

Two packets of crisps where walking down the street when a taxi driver pulled up and asked 'Do you want a lift?'
The crisps said 'No thanks,we are walkers!'

The queen of england invited the Pope to buckingham palace to wave to the crowd and the queen says 'I can make all the english men cheer for 10 minutes straight with a wave of my hand'
so she waves her hand and the english men cheer for 10 minutes.
Then the pope says 'I can make all the irish men cheer for 15 minutes straight with a nod of my head'
so all the irish men are cheering for 15 minutes straight bacause the pope headbutted the queen

Who is Jack Schitt?
The lineage is finally revealed.
Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says: 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'
Read on and you'll be able to handle the situation intelligently.
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt.
Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, a partner of Kneedeep & Schitt, Inc.
Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple begat 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins, Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' wishes, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After 15 years of marriage, Jack & Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later married a Mr. Sherlock, and out of devotion to her children, decided to hyphenate her last name, and became Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married a woman named Loda Dung, who became Loda Schitt.
The couple produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, inseperable thoughout childhood subsequently married the Happens brothers.
The local newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding, which was quite an event.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.
He returned from his travels with his Italian bride, Piza Schitt.
So, NOW if someone says: 'You don't know Jack Schitt', you can beg to differ.
You not only know Jack Schitt, but the entire Schitt list!

Embarrassing Moment - First Date We have all had bad dates...but this takes the cake.
This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays.
This was on the 'Tonight Show'
with Jay Leno.
Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had.
The winner described her worst first date experience.
There absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter ...
snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead.
It was a day trip (no overnight).
They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before.
The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.
They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.
They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere!
Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.
Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started.
Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.
Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking.
All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.
As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender.
Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.
It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered her date's concerns about 'what is taking so long'
with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance'!
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.
She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.
Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.
Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.
So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
As for the Tonight Show ...
she took the prize hands down ...
or perhaps that should be 'pants down.'
And you thought your first date was embarrassing.
Jay Leno's comment - - - - This gives a whole new meaning to being 'pissed off.'

One night this girl prayed for her mum, her dad, her sister, and her grandma and she forgot her grandad.
the next day her grandad died.
that night she prayed for her mum, her dad and her sister and she forgot her grandma.
the next day her grandma died.
that night again she prayed for her mum and her dad but left out her sister.
that day her sister died.
that night for the last time, she only prayed for her mum.
the next day her mum came in and said 'the postman died'


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