Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting.
They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks.
The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up.
They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk.
But the pilot objected and he said, 'The plane can only take four of your elk;
you will have to leave two behind.'
They argued with him;
the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard.
The plane was the same model and capacity.
Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard.
But when the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness.
Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, 'Do you know where we are?'
'I think so,'
replied the other hunter.
I think this is about the same place where we landed last year!'
There are three men in the bathroom, two Englishmen and an Australian.
All are at the urinals.
The first Englishman zips up and walks over to the sink and uses a lot of soap and water and before he leaves.
He says to the others, 'In Yorkshire, I learned to be clean and neat.'
The second Englishman zips up, walks over to the sink and uses much less soap and water but is still very clean.
He says, 'At Bredford Academy, I learned to be clean and neat but still be environmentally aware.'
The third man zips up and heads straight to the door.
The Aussie says over his shoulder, 'In Australia, we learn not to piss on our hands.'
The best pick up line... Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.
'Have you any last requests?' asked the chaplain.
replied the murderer, 'will you hold my hand?'
Two packets of crisps where walking down the street when a taxi driver pulled up and asked 'Do you want a lift?'
The crisps said 'No thanks,we are walkers!'
Two Polish hunters were driving through the country to go bear hunting.
They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read 'BEAR LEFT'
so they went home.
A cop was riding a bicycle looking for a crook.
He saw the crook and started chasing him, but the crook went into the bush and the policeman had to leave the bike and chase him on foot.
The cop caught the crook and told him he must not move while he gets his bike.
As soon as the cop left for the bike, the crook disappeared.
The following day the policeman saw the same guy and ran after him, leaving his bike behind.
He caught the guy and told him that since he had run away the previous day, the crook had to go and get the bike while the cop waited for him.
One night this girl prayed for her mum, her dad, her sister, and her grandma and she forgot her grandad.
the next day her grandad died.
that night she prayed for her mum, her dad and her sister and she forgot her grandma.
the next day her grandma died.
that night again she prayed for her mum and her dad but left out her sister.
that day her sister died.
that night for the last time, she only prayed for her mum.
the next day her mum came in and said 'the postman died'
The 4 Basic Food Groups for Police Officers
4. Chocolate Frosted
Who is Jack Schitt?
The lineage is finally revealed.
Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says: 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'
Read on and you'll be able to handle the situation intelligently.
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt.
Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, a partner of Kneedeep & Schitt, Inc.
Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple begat 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins, Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' wishes, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After 15 years of marriage, Jack & Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later married a Mr. Sherlock, and out of devotion to her children, decided to hyphenate her last name, and became Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married a woman named Loda Dung, who became Loda Schitt.
The couple produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, inseperable thoughout childhood subsequently married the Happens brothers.
The local newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding, which was quite an event.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.
He returned from his travels with his Italian bride, Piza Schitt.
So, NOW if someone says: 'You don't know Jack Schitt', you can beg to differ.
You not only know Jack Schitt, but the entire Schitt list!