Dirty Jokes
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Dirty Jokes

This page contains 10 Dirty Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Dirty Jokes first.

A Canadian was in France, out of his wallet he removed a stick of gum he had from the airport in Canada, and started to chew it.
He walked into a French coffee shop and sat himself beside an English speaking French man.
Frenchman: In Canada, what do you do with your used tires?
Canadian: We send em to France to get turned into paper plates.
French man: What do you do with your used plastic bags?
Canadian: (after blowing a huge bubble) We send em to France to get turned into a gold ring.
Hey, what do you do with your used comdoms?
French man: we send em to Canada to get turned into bubble gum.

Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans.
She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.
Then one day she met a guy and fell in love.
When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, 'He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on.'
So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work.
Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home.
On her way she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand.
Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home.
So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home she putt-putted.
And upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it.
Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, 'Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight.'
He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table.
She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang.
He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned.
He then went to answer the phone.
The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go.
It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill.
She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously.
Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cabbage cooking.
Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes.
When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.
She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, Apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!
There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a Happy Birthday!

A Marine and Navy-man are in the bathroom together, and the Marine goes to leave without washing his hands.
says the Navy-man, 'in the Navy they teach us to wash our hands.'
'In the Marines, they teach us not to piss on our hands.'

Three men were in a sauna.
An Italian, a German, and a Pollack.
Suddenly, they heard a beeping noise.
The Italian guy pushed a few buttons on his hand and then told the others that he had a chip installed in his hand to allow him to be paged.
Then, they heard a ring and the German man pushed a button on his hand and put his hand up to his ear and carried a conversation.
After pressing another button on his hand the German man said that he had a chip installed in his hand to allow him to receive calls.
The Polish man excuses himself to use the bathroom.
He comes back, with a piece of toilet paper trailing from his butt.
The other men laugh and point.
The Polish man cranes his neck around to look.
He says, 'Wow!
I must have gotten a fax!'

It is 10:00 at the police station and there is only 2 officers working that day...Billy-Bob and Billi-Jo.
billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can i stick my finger in your belly-button?
billi-jo: sure billy-bob!:> ...now its 11:00 at the police station... billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can i stick my finger in your belly-button?
billi-jo: sure billy-bob!:> ...now its midnight... and the power goes out...!
billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can i stick my finger in your belly-button?
billi-jo: sure billy-bob!:> wait?!
billy-bob thats not my belly-button.
billy-bob: i know...:> and thats not my finger!:>

What do you call a bunch of women hanging around prostitutes?
Support hos!

What do parsley and pubic hair have in common?
You push them both aside when you eat.

A cucumber, a pickle & a penis were talking about their awful lives.
The cucumber says 'my life sucks, when i get big fat and juicy, they cut me up and toss me into a salad'... The pickle says 'when i get big fat and juicy they cover me in vinegar and throw me in a jar'... The penis says 'U think thats bad... when i get big fat and juicy they pull a plastic bag over my head, stick me in a dark damp room and bang my head against the wall til i throw up and pass out!'

Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk.
Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.
As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, 'Vietnam, 1969.'
The other points his thumb behind him and says, 'Dog crap, 20 feet back.'

In Washington D.C.
they ran out Tickle Me Elmo dolls.
So now they have Fondle Me Packwood dolls!

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