A man enters a barber shop for a shave.
While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
'I have just the thing'
says the barber, taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer.
'Just place this between your cheek and gum.'
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.
After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, 'And what if I swallow it?'
'No problem', says the barber, 'just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does!'
One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.
Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, 'Hello ladies!'
What did Osama name his last daughter?
Camela - after her mother!
What did the thirsty whale do?
Bit the tail of a submarine and sucked out all the seamen.
Bush Plans WW3 A guy walks in and asks the bartender, 'Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?'
The bartender says, 'Yep, that's them.'
So the guy walks over and says, 'Wow, this is a real honor.
What are you guys doing in here?'
Bush says, 'We're planning WWIII.'
And the guy says, 'Really?
What's going to happen?'
Bush says, 'Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one librarian.'
The guy exclaimed, 'A librarian!
Why kill a librarian?'
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, 'See, dummy!
I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!'
How do you know if Dr.
Dre has a high sperm count?
Eminem has to chew before swallowing!
What do you see when you have a vagina stapled to you fore head?
My balls slapping you in the face.
Their was this kid that always got picked on at school.
Everyday his friends and kids that went to school always said to him, 'F**k you.'
Well the dumb kid always was curious about what the word f**k means.
One day he got real sad and wanted to know what it meant, so he ran home and rushed in the house screaming out for his father.
He yelled, 'Pah!'
And then his pa came out and asked, 'What hell you want boy?'
The boy said, 'Pah, what does f**k mean?'
And then his pah said, 'Son I think it's time you knew what f**k mean.'
Pah then yelled out, 'Mah, get down here, son wants to know what f**k mean.'
Mah comes down stairs, pah says, 'Mah take off your clothes and get in your position.'
He turns to his son and says, 'Son you see that pink spot on mah?
Uh huh watch your pah go to work!'
Then the boys sister came in the door and says, 'What are they doing?'
The boy turns his head and with a smile he says, 'They fuckin.'
Sister says, 'What does f**k mean?'
'WELL YOU SEE THAT BROWN SPOT ON PAH uh huh WATCH YOUR BROTHER GO TO WORK!'
This little girl sees her dad naked in the shower and says 'daddy whats that'
he replies 'erm thats my bird'
she says '
what are they next to it'
he replies 'there its eggs'
and then she says 'what are they sitting on'
then the man says 'thats its nest'
The next he wakes up and he screams his daughter runs in and she says '
last night i stroked your bird and it spat at me so i snapped the birds neck cracked is eggs and burnt its nest'
Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the Mother Superior and said, 'We don't want to be nuns anymore, how do we quit?'
The mother told them, 'Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours.'
So the nuns left thinking, 'What can I do that's unholy?'
The next day they went to the mother one at a time.
The mother said tot he first nun, 'What unholy thing did you do?'
and the nun said 'I stole a kid's bike.'
The mother said, 'I guess that will do, go drink some holy water.'
When the nun did she wasn't a nun anymore and she left the convent.
The second nun walked in and the mother said, 'What unholy thing did you do?'
The nun replied, 'I slept with a married man!'
The mother said, 'Well, that's sinning.
Go drink holy water.'
The third nun walked in and the mother said, 'What unholy thing did you do?'
The third nun said proudly, 'I pissed in the holy water!'