How do you make stew out of a leper?
Put him in a Jacuzzi and turn it on full.
A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically.
The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's no law preventing weird people from buying condoms.
Maybe it's a good thing.
The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again he leaves the store laughing wildly.
This piques the interest of the pharmacist.
What's so funny about buying a rubber, anyway?
So he tells his clerk, 'If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him to see where he goes.'
Sure enough, the next day the man is back.
He buys the condom, starts cracking up, then leaves.
The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the guy.
About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.
'Did you follow him?
Where did he go?'
asks the pharmacist.
The clerk replies, 'Your house!'
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One old lady turns to the other and asks, 'Do you still get horny?' The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.'
The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?'
The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, 'Who drives you to the beach?'
A frat boy gets into the back of a cab, and asks the cabbie, 'Do you have enough room up there for a pizza and a six pack of beer?'
The cabbie says, 'Sure.'
So the frat boy leans forward and throws-up.
How does herpes leave the hospital?
Father:son how do u control ur anger when i have beaten u.
son:i brush the toilet with ur teeth brush.
What do you get when you eat a prune pizza?
A man took a poop in a gas station and then realized there was no toilet paper.
There was a hole in the wall and a sign above it that read: 'When you go to the bathroom, wipe yourself with your index finger, stick it through this hole and it will be thoroughly cleaned.'
The man did exactly what the sign said, but when he stuck his finger through the hole, someone at the other side slapped two bricks together against his finger and because of the pain he stuck his finger in his mouth and started to suck on it.
Confucius says 'Man who goes to sleep with itchy butt....wakes up man with smelly finger!'
This Old man decided to go to a whore house one night.
When he arrived he went to the owner and he said, 'Listen, I want a girl with Gonorrhea!'
The owner nodded and sent him upstairs to a room.
Then she called one of her favorites for him.
The girl went into the room and started to undress for him.
He quickly asked, 'Do you have Gonorrhea?'
I certainly do not!'
The Old man sent her back and requested a girl with Gonorrhea.
The owner called over one girl and told her to say she had to just to make him happy.
So the girl went up to the room and the old man asked, 'Do you have Gonorrhea?'
She smiled and said, 'Of course I do.'
They got into bed and begun to fuck away.
It lasted 10 minutes then she said, 'Listen Old man, I have a confession to make, I don't have Gonorrhea.'
The Old man smiled and replied, 'Now you do!'