Hey have you ever seen a beach whale?
No, What is it?
A guy goes to a weight loss clinic and says he needs to lose 20 lbs.
The receptionist sends him upstairs, where he finds a beautiful naked woman with a sign that says, 'If you catch me, you can screw me.'
An hour later, he emerges, sated and 20 lbs. lighter.
A month later, he returns and needs to lose 50 lbs.
The receptionist sends him upstairs again, but this time there are two girls with the same sign.
A day later, he comes out 50 lbs. lighter.
A year later, he returns and needs to lose 100 lbs.
He gets sent upstairs again, where he finds a huge gorilla with a sign that reads 'If I catch you, I screw you.'
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it!
Matt is so fatt the back of his neck looks like a pack of hotdogs
Ur doodle is so fat the only way u could lose your virginity is to have it withan elephant!
What does a old posty bike and a fat girl have in common?
Their fun to ride until your friends find out.
How do you get a fat lady in bed?
Piece of cake!
DIET TIPS 1.
If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories 2.
If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each other out.
When eating with someone else, calories dont count if you both eat the same amount.
Foods used for medicinal purpose have no calories.
These include any chocolate used for energy, brandy, cheesecake, and ice cream.
Cookie pieces contain no calories, because breakage causes the calories to leak out.
If you eat food from someone else's plate, the calories don't count.
Movie related snacks are much lower in calories because they are part of the entertainment, and not ones of personal fuel.