Lawyers Jokes
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Lawyers Jokes

This page contains 10 Lawyers Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Lawyers Jokes first.

Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant.
The judge ordered Taylor, 'You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can.'
After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone.
When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied, 'You asked me to give him good advice.
I found out that he was guilty, so I told him to split.'

An old man was critically ill.
Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer.
'I want to become a lawyer.
How much is it or the express degree you told me about?'
'It's $50,000,'
the lawyer said.
'But why?
You'll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?'
'That's my business!
Get me the course!'
Four days later, the old man got his law degree.
His lawyer was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.
Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and it was clear that this would be the end.
Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, 'please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before you died?'
In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said, 'One less lawyer .

Why is the N.I.Q.H.
(National Institute of Health) substituting rats with lawyers for lab tests?
Three reasons: 1.
There are more lawyers then rats.
When rats die many lab techies feel bad for them.
There are some things a rat will not do.

A lawyer was on his cell phone, calling a locksmith.
'I locked my keys in my sports car!' said the nervous lawyer.
'No problem, I should be there in about an hour,'
replied the locksmith.
'Do you think you can make it a little sooner?'
pleaded the lawyer.
'My top is down and it?s starting to rain.'

Warning Signs that you Might Need a Different Lawyer 1.
Your lawyer tells you that his last good case was of Budweiser.
When the prosecutors see your lawyer, they high-five each other.
Your lawyer picks the jury by playing 'duck-duck-goose.'
Your lawyer tells you that he has never told a lie.
A prison guard is shaving your head.

What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
They grow taller!

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