Lawyers and Toxic Waste Why is it that California leads the nation in number of lawyers and New Jersey leads the nation in number of toxic waste dumps?
New Jersey got to pick first.
A young attorney who had taken over his father?s practice rushed home elated one night.
he shouted, 'I've finally settled that old McKinney suit.'
cried his astonished father, 'why, you idiot!
We have been living off of that money for five years!'
What do you call parachuting lawyers?
Three men, a doctor, an accountant and a lawyer are dead and they appear in front of St Peter.
St Peter tells them that they have to answer one question in order to get to Heaven.
He looks at the doctor and asks, 'There was a movie that was made about a ship that sank after hitting an iceberg, what was its name?'
The doctor answers, 'The Titanic'
and he is sent through.
He then looks at the accountant and say, 'How many people died in that ship?'
Fortunately the doctor had just watched the movie and he answers, '1 500!'.
St Peter sends him through and then finally turns to the lawyer and commands, in a very heavy voice, 'Name them!'.
A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question: 'Have you ever been arrested?'
He answered 'no' to the question.
The next question, intended for those who answered the preceding question with a yes, was 'why?'
Nevertheless, the lawyer answered it, 'Never got caught.'
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice.
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested, we call him a defense lawyer.
How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant!
What do you call 100,000 lawyers drowning in the Pacific ocean?
A good start!
What is the differece between a lawyer and a protitute?
The Prostitute will stop screwing you after your dead.
One day a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw a guy eating grass.
He told the driver to stop.
He got out and asked him, 'Why are you eating grass'.
The man replied, 'I'm so poor, I can't afford a thing to eat.'
So the layer said, 'Poor guy, come back to my house.'
The guys then said, 'But I have a wife and three kids.'
The lawyer told him to bring them along.
When they were all in the car, the poor man said, 'Thanks for taking us back to your house, it is so kind of you.'
The layer said, 'You're going to love it there, the grass is a foot tall.'