Relationship Jokes
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Relationship Jokes

This page contains 10 Relationship Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Relationship Jokes first.

Did you hear about the guy who found out the secret to making women happy?
No, neither did I.Q.


Deep Thoughts on the Farm
At my cousin's wedding, my dad (who doesn't much care for his nephew's bride) thought it would be funny to flick his cigarette at her back as she walked down the aisle.
It got caught in her hair and started to smolder.
Her father had to get it out while she cried hysterically.
Then he punched my Uncle Raymond, whom he thought had tossed it, right square in the forehead and ended up breaking his own hand.
Good wedding.


An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said, 'I enjoyed time with my wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.'
The artist said, 'I enjoyed time with my mistress, because of the passion and mystery I found there.'
The engineer said, 'I like both.'
'Both?'
they questioned.
The Engineer said, 'Yeah.
If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done.'


A couple had been debating over buying a new car for weeks now.
He wanted a new truck, she wanted a fast little sports car so that she could zip through traffic around town.
He would've probable have settled for a beat up old truck.
But all she seemed to like were way out of their price range.
'Look, I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less' she said.
'Well, its my birthday coming up, so you can surprise me' she said.
So for her birthday, he got her a brand new bathroom scale!


Did you hear about the guy who found out the secret to making women happy?
No, neither did I!


There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years.
Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance.
'You'll fart your guts out one of these days,'
she always complained.
After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's arse.
While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream.
Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.
'You was right all along Missus,'
the old man says, 'I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!'


A man and his girlfriend were enjoying a ride late one stormy night in the country.
As they were driving down a dirt road, the truck got stuck in the mud.
The guy hops out to look and comes back and says to his girlfriend, 'I need you to take off your clothes so I can put them under the tires from traction.'
She does and after awhile of trying he says, 'Okay, we're stuck.
Go down to that farm and see if someone has a phone.'
She says, 'But I'm naked!'
He looks at her and says, 'Well, tie my boots around your hips to cover up with and just use your hands to cover your chest with.'
She makes it down the the farm and bangs on the door.
The farmer walks out and she yells, 'Help, my boyfriend is stuck and can't get out!'
He looks at the boots and says, 'Honey, he's too far in to come out!'


When the bride and the groom are getting married the bride is thinking: 'This is the most romantic day of my life'
And the groom is thinking: 'I hope I get a shag for this later'


An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other.
When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night.
A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most.
'When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!'
They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours.
He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket.
After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid?
Concerned?
Worried?
that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?
The wife put down her drink and said, 'Let the jerk dig.
I had him buried upside down.'


A husband said to his wife, 'I will take a photo of your breasts and frame it .'
The wife said to her husband, 'I will take a photo of your penis and enlarge it.'


 



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