A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn.
The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, 'Hey Willis, forget your troubles.
Come in and visit with us.
I'll help you get the wagon up later.'
'That's mighty nice of you,'
Willis answered, 'but I don't think Pa would like me to.'
'Aw come on boy,'
the farmer insisted.
the boy finally agreed, and added, 'but Pa won't like it.'
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host.
'I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.'
'Don't be foolish!'
the neighbor said with a smile.
'By the way, where is he?'
'Under the wagon.'
Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew.
Helen keller went to town riding on a pony stuck a feather in her hat and called it ...duhhhhhh
Their were three mountain climbers one found a lamp he rubbed it there poped up jenie the jenie said you three get each three wishes.One of the mountain climbers said 'I wish I could be an airplane'.
POOF he became into an airplane.The seconded said 'I wish to be an bird'.POOF he was a bird and flew away.
The last mountain climber said 'I wish to be a'.
Then he tripped over a rock and said crap.Then POOF he became a pile of crap.
How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?
The answer is 10:
1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;
4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark;
8. One to viciously smear #7;
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;
10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country!
Guy came home from church on Sunday afternoon with two black eyes.
When he got home he was asked what happened.
He told everyone that when they stood up to sing a hymn that the woman's dress in front of him was stuck up in her butt crack.
So I reached up and pulled it out.
When I did she turned around and hit me.
'So she hit you so hard it gave you two black eyes?'
No he replied, I just figured that she wanted it there so I reached up and put it back in her butt crack...
A woman is in line at the grocery store putting her groceries on the conveyor belt.
The rough looking man behind her is watching her do this.
She puts some bacon, some eggs and some milk down on the belt.
The man behind her says, 'You must be single.'
Confused, the woman looks at the man, then at her groceries, then back to the man and says, 'Well yes I am, but how did you know?'
The man replies, 'Cause your uglier n' sh1t.'
You think life is bad... How would you like to be an egg?
You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.
It takes 4 minutes to get hard.
Only 2 minutes to get soft.
You share your box with 11 other guys.
But worst of all... The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother!
A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend.
He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on.
While standing in the middle of the RR tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn't know what it was.
Predictably, he's hit and is thrown, ass-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.
After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party.
While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle whistling.
He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal.
His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man, 'Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?'
The desert man replies, 'Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small.'
Alabama Dumb Laws- Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.
Incestuous marriages are legal.
It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.
It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.
You may not drive barefooted.
Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
You must have windshield wipers on your car.
You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
Masks may not be worn in public.
Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce.
However, this provision does not apply to men.
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.