A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn.
The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, 'Hey Willis, forget your troubles.
Come in and visit with us.
I'll help you get the wagon up later.'
'That's mighty nice of you,'
Willis answered, 'but I don't think Pa would like me to.'
'Aw come on boy,'
the farmer insisted.
the boy finally agreed, and added, 'but Pa won't like it.'
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host.
'I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.'
'Don't be foolish!'
the neighbor said with a smile.
'By the way, where is he?'
'Under the wagon.'
Helen keller went to town riding on a pony stuck a feather in her hat and called it ...duhhhhhh
Their were three mountain climbers one found a lamp he rubbed it there poped up jenie the jenie said you three get each three wishes.One of the mountain climbers said 'I wish I could be an airplane'.
POOF he became into an airplane.The seconded said 'I wish to be an bird'.POOF he was a bird and flew away.
The last mountain climber said 'I wish to be a'.
Then he tripped over a rock and said crap.Then POOF he became a pile of crap.
How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?
The answer is 10:
1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;
4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark;
8. One to viciously smear #7;
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;
10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country!
A woman is in line at the grocery store putting her groceries on the conveyor belt.
The rough looking man behind her is watching her do this.
She puts some bacon, some eggs and some milk down on the belt.
The man behind her says, 'You must be single.'
Confused, the woman looks at the man, then at her groceries, then back to the man and says, 'Well yes I am, but how did you know?'
The man replies, 'Cause your uglier n' sh1t.'
Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew.
You think life is bad... How would you like to be an egg?
You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.
It takes 4 minutes to get hard.
Only 2 minutes to get soft.
You share your box with 11 other guys.
But worst of all... The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother!
Did you hear about the leper poker game?
One guy threw in his hand and the other three laughed their heads off.
Your Age in Chocolate Don't tell me your age;
you probably would tell a falsehood anyway--but the Hershey Man will know!
It takes less than a minute.
Work this out as you read ...
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.
First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10) 2.
Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold) 3.
Add 5 4.
Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator 5.
If you have already had your birthday this year add 1756 ....
If you haven't, add 1755.
Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
You should have a three digit number The first digit of this was your original number (i.e, how many times you want to have chocolate each week).
The next two numbers are YOUR AGE!
(Oh YES, it is!!)
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S.
of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'!