Where do snowmen keep their money?
In snow banks!
My sister: you look like an elf... ME:what kind..... my sister: the kind that works with santa..
me: oh ..... my sister:.... there magicaly delious... me:... thats a leperchuan
Christmas morning a boy rides down the road on his brand new bike when a cop on a horse rides up beside him and says, "Did Santa bring you that bike?"
the boy replies.
"Well maybe next year you can ask Santa to give you a helmet for that bike?"
and proceeds to write that boy up a 20 dollar ticket.
As the boy rides away on his bike he turns around and says to the police man, "Did Santa bring you that horse?"
Humoring the boy he says, "Sure!"
"Well maybe next year you can ask Santa to put the dick on the bottom of the horse a instead of on top!"
Do you know why Santa is always so happy?
Because he knows where all of the bad girls are!
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped, "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
Merry Christmas in Legal Terms Please accept without obligation, express or implied, these best wishes for an environmentally safe, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, and gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday as practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice (but with respect for the religious or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or for their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all) and further for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated onset of the generally accepted calendar year (including, but not limited to, the Christian calendar, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures).
The preceding wishes are extended without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee(s).
What do donkeys send out near Christmas?
Jacko Christmas What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Santa?
Nothing, they both leave children's bedrooms with empty sacks!
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.