Steak and sex are two of my favorite things. I have them both the same way -- very rare.
One day two kids were wandering around near a stream. One of the boys wandered off near a bush and the other wandered farther down stream. The boy who was wandering down stream started to get lonely, so he went to find his other friend. When he got to the bush were his friend was he saw a naked woman and ran away. The boy that was here for a long time got curios and ran after him and asked, 'Why did you run away.' The other boy said, 'My mom said that if I were to ever see a naked woman I would turn to stone. Then I felt something get very hard so I ran.'
The best pick up line... Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Mick and paddy were at work one day. Paddy was digging a hole while Mick was putting the post in. Next Paddy was filling it back in again. The next day the boss came along and Paddy was digging a hole and filling it back in. The boss said, 'Where are the posts?' Paddy answered, 'Mick's off today!'
What do you do if you see a politician walking down the road with half a head? Stop laughing and reload.
The queen of england invited the Pope to buckingham palace to wave to the crowd and the queen says 'I can make all the english men cheer for 10 minutes straight with a wave of my hand' so she waves her hand and the english men cheer for 10 minutes. Then the pope says 'I can make all the irish men cheer for 15 minutes straight with a nod of my head' so all the irish men are cheering for 15 minutes straight bacause the pope headbutted the queen
Have you heard about the man who did it with a parakeet? He contracted chirpes and the worst thing? It was untweetable!
How do you circumcisce a whale? With four skin-divers...
Once there was a cuban, mexican,nigeran, and a white guy stuck in a boat in the middle of the ocean. the cuban guy pulls out a cigar takes one puff and throws it into the ocean the white guy astioned asked him why did u throw that into the ocean thats a huge thing in the usa the cuban guy jus said we have to many of them. then the nigeran guy took out so vodica took one sip and threw it in the ocean again the white guy asked why did u throw it into the ocean he just said we jus have to much of it. so then the white guy thought about what they had too much of and then he threw the mexican into the ocean
Who is Jack Schitt? The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says: 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Read on and you'll be able to handle the situation intelligently. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, a partner of Kneedeep & Schitt, Inc. Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple begat 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins, Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' wishes, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After 15 years of marriage, Jack & Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married a Mr. Sherlock, and out of devotion to her children, decided to hyphenate her last name, and became Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married a woman named Loda Dung, who became Loda Schitt. The couple produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, inseperable thoughout childhood subsequently married the Happens brothers. The local newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding, which was quite an event. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He returned from his travels with his Italian bride, Piza Schitt. So, NOW if someone says: 'You don't know Jack Schitt', you can beg to differ. You not only know Jack Schitt, but the entire Schitt list!