Steak and sex are two of my favorite things. I have them both the same way -- very rare.
Have you heard about the man who did it with a parakeet? He contracted chirpes and the worst thing? It was untweetable!
There are three men in the bathroom, two Englishmen and an Australian. All are at the urinals. The first Englishman zips up and walks over to the sink and uses a lot of soap and water and before he leaves. He says to the others, "In Yorkshire, I learned to be clean and neat." The second Englishman zips up, walks over to the sink and uses much less soap and water but is still very clean. He says, "At Bredford Academy, I learned to be clean and neat but still be environmentally aware." The third man zips up and heads straight to the door. The Aussie says over his shoulder, "In Australia, we learn not to piss on our hands."
Two men were out fishing, when they found a lamp floating in the water. One of the men picked it up and rubbed it, causing a genie to explode from the lamp. Unfortunately, it was a very low-level genie and could only grant one wish. The men thought for a few minutes and then wished for the entire lake to be made of the best beer in the world. With a poof! the wish was granted. All of a sudden, one of the men got really angry. "Dammit! Now we have to piss in the boat!"
Mick and paddy were at work one day. Paddy was digging a hole while Mick was putting the post in. Next Paddy was filling it back in again. The next day the boss came along and Paddy was digging a hole and filling it back in. The boss said, "Where are the posts?" Paddy answered, "Mick's off today!"
Your So Poor You Had To Put A Big Mac On Lay Away
Jack and jill went up the hill to fetch some margarine jack got high and dropped his fly and said do u wana jill said yes and dropped her dress and then they had some fun silly jill 4got her pill and came bake down with a son. jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water no one new what they did do but came bake down with a daughter!.
Who is Jack Schitt? The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says: "You don't know Jack Schitt!" Read on and you'll be able to handle the situation intelligently. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, a partner of Kneedeep & Schitt, Inc. Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple begat 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins, Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' wishes, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After 15 years of marriage, Jack & Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married a Mr. Sherlock, and out of devotion to her children, decided to hyphenate her last name, and became Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married a woman named Loda Dung, who became Loda Schitt. The couple produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, inseperable thoughout childhood subsequently married the Happens brothers. The local newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding, which was quite an event. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He returned from his travels with his Italian bride, Piza Schitt. So, NOW if someone says: "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can beg to differ. You not only know Jack Schitt, but the entire Schitt list!
Cardinal Eagan of New York is upset over an unsigned letter written by priests in his parish. He is insisting that all his priests get behind him. And give him a sign of their support!
Once there was a cuban, mexican,nigeran, and a white guy stuck in a boat in the middle of the ocean. the cuban guy pulls out a cigar takes one puff and throws it into the ocean the white guy astioned asked him why did u throw that into the ocean thats a huge thing in the usa the cuban guy jus said we have to many of them. then the nigeran guy took out so vodica took one sip and threw it in the ocean again the white guy asked why did u throw it into the ocean he just said we jus have to much of it. so then the white guy thought about what they had too much of and then he threw the mexican into the ocean