Jokes For Kids
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Jokes For Kids

This page contains 10 Jokes For Kids. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Jokes For Kids first.

A man goes skydiving for the first time.
After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go.
Excited, he jumps out of the airplane.
After a bit, he pulls the ripcord.
Nothing happens.
He tries again.
Still nothing.
He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute.
He pulls that cord.
Nothing happens.
He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail.
Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes.
Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going up!
Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver -- by this time scared out of his wits--yells, 'Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?'
The other guy yells back, 'No!
Do you know anything about gas stoves?'

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.
The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation.
So he puts up a sign that reads: 'WARNING!
ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!'
He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.
The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: 'NOW THERE ARE TWO!'

A little boy wanted $50 so badly to buy his Mom a special Christmas present, so he prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.
President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was so delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read: Dear God, Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C.
and, as usual, those crooks deducted $45.00.

A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, 'I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours.'
The banker said, 'Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him.'

Chipmunks
Two men went hunting.
One had been hunting all his life, the other man was hunting for the first time.
The one man told the other to sit down and not make a sound.
So he did.
But when the first man got 100 yards away, he heard a scream.
'I thought I told you to be quiet!'
he said.
'I was when the snake bit me,'
the man said.
'And I was when the bear attacked me.
But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg and said, 'Should we eat or take them with us,' I screamed.'

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.
After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.
In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.
'Who is it?'
calls one of the nuns.
'Blind man,' replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
'Nice gazongas,'
says the man, 'where do you want these blinds?'

Hey both circle around URANUS looking for BLACK HOLES!

The CIA had an opening for an assassin.
After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
'We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.
Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair.
You have to kill her.'
The first man said.'You can’t be serious.
I could never shoot my wife,'
The agent replies, 'Then you’re not the right man for this job.'
The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room.
All was quiet for about five minutes.
Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes.
'I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.'
The agent replies, 'You don’t have what it takes.
Take your wife and go home.'
Finally, it was the woman’s turn.
Only she was told to kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room.
Shots were heard, one shot after another.
They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.
She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, 'You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks.
So I had to beat him to death with the chair.'

There were three grown men.
One named Shut Up, another named manners,and the last named poop.
Poop was pooping but he got stuck in the toilet.
Manners went up to help him.
The doorbell rang, it was the police.
Shut Up went to go get it.
They said 'Son, what is your name?'
'Shut Up.'
'Im not playing any games-tell me your name.'
'Shut Up'
'WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS?'
'Oh, hes upstairs getting poop out of the toilet'

Have i told you the joke about the body snatchers... actually I best not you might get carried away!




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