What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving? A perfect setup for skeet shooting!
Why did the post office recall the new lawyer stamps? Because people could not tell which side to spit on!
What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? About three pounds, including the urn.
What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common? Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being!
Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died? He was looking for loopholes!
You are stuck in a foxhole with a cobra, Saddam Hussein, a lawyer, and only two bullets in your gun. What do you do? Shoot the lawyer twice!
Terrorists hijack a plane full of lawyers. They ask for a ransom 20 million dollars, and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for...
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
Why does New Jersey have all the toxic waste dumps and California has all the lawyers? Because New Jersey got first pick!
Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service!