A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, 'What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?'
'I give it to them,'
replied the lawyer, 'and then I send them a bill.'
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
Definition of a Lawyer: A person who puts two men into a fight and runs off with their clothes.
How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
Shoot him before he hits the water!
Warning Signs that you Might Need a Different Lawyer 1.
Your lawyer tells you that his last good case was of Budweiser.
When the prosecutors see your lawyer, they high-five each other.
Your lawyer picks the jury by playing 'duck-duck-goose.'
Your lawyer tells you that he has never told a lie.
A prison guard is shaving your head.
Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks.
After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks.
The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far away country to represent a long-term client accused of robbery.
After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released.
Excited about his success, the attorney e-mailed the firm: Justice prevailed.?
The senior partner replied in haste, Appeal immediately?
What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
They grow taller!
Lawyer: 'Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly?
Did you steal the car?'
Client: 'After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I?m beginning to think I didn?t.'
Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant.
The judge ordered Taylor, 'You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can.'
After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone.
When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied, 'You asked me to give him good advice.
I found out that he was guilty, so I told him to split.'
A lawyer was on his cell phone, calling a locksmith.
'I locked my keys in my sports car!' said the nervous lawyer.
'No problem, I should be there in about an hour,'
replied the locksmith.
'Do you think you can make it a little sooner?'
pleaded the lawyer.
'My top is down and it?s starting to rain.'