A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eyepatch went to apply to be a pirate.
Interviewer: 'How did you get that pegleg?'
I got me leg shot off during the first world war.'
Interviewer: 'How did you get that hook?'
Pirate: 'I got me hand cut off by a big knife.'
Interviewer: 'What about your eyepatch?'
Pirate: 'It was a rainy afternoon and I looked up into the sky and a bird crapped in me eye.'
Interviewer: 'And that put your eye out?'
Pirate: 'No, it was the day after I got me hook.'
Next Joke: There was this hunk at a trade fair flashing his big muscles and repeating ten tons of dynamite ten tons of dynamite while eyeing the females around